My nickname has grown. Every day Flaca and Techo tack on a new name to the end. So now I have four first names and two last names, which actually isn't very uncommon here. Most people have at least two first names, and at least two last names (for each of their parents) When women get married they keep their names and then their children take both names, so if we had the same system in the US I would be Kelly Jeanne Pope Chabot. I tried to explain that to the coaches when they asked me what my other last name was, but then they gave me two new ones anyways. My relationships with each of them continue to grow each day, but I learned my first lesson in striking a balance between friendships and effective work relationships on Tuesday.
Monday evenings we have our weekly staff meeting in Tres Pisos where we address our to-do list, determine a theme for the week, and then we break out into our smaller team groups to plan activities and practices. For the past few weeks, these break out sessions have consisted of Techo and Flaca speaking mumbled Spanish at a million miles an hour, while Helen throws in a "sí" every now and then or "está buennnno", while I sit there silently and desperately try to follow what they're planning. But usually afterwards I make Flaca explain it all over again to me, slower and with diagrams. This Monday, I made my first contribution! We decided the theme for the entire season is "Inspiration" for which we can develop a ton of sub-themes to help the girls both find their own inspirations and think about ways in which they can inspire others. Our activities this week were geared towards introducing this greater theme to the girls before we dive into sub-themes in the coming weeks. Techo mentioned that he had a video he could show the girls that features a lot of famous soccer players telling their stories and talking about their inspirations but it was only half an hour long and we needed to fill the whole hour and a half. After having studied my SWB flash drive full of activity and practice ideas that we received in Boston during orientation, I remembered a game called "Reach out and touch someone who..." where a list of statements are read to a group that all start with this first phrase. For example, reach out and touch someone who makes you laugh, reach out and touch someone who is a good listener, reach out and touch someone who you respect and trust, etc. Everybody stands in a circle with their eyes closed, and someone stands in the middle for each statement that is read, and then touches whoever she feels best fits that statement. I mentioned this exercise to the group with the intention of it being a way to both highlight many of the different ways in which one can inspire others, as well as provide affirmation that they have significant impacts on each other. The coaches agreed that it would go over well. I voiced my one concern that I don't want it to be a negative experience if somebody doesn't get touched at all during this exercise and I suggested that maybe while their eyes are closed, the coaches could go around and touch some of the girls that are left out. They disagreed, saying that it would be good for the girls who aren't touched to do some self reflection about why they don't impact their teammates. Pretty harsh. Techo, Flaca, and Helen are not cold-hearted people by any means but they are products of the Nicaraguan educational system which is built entirely on negative reinforcement. It is really unfortunate aspect of personal development here, and a large part of my job is not only empowering young girls to succeed but also empowering these young coaches to take ownership of their roles as leaders and to help them develop leadership skills so that one day this program can be run entirely by people within the community.
I felt I had adequately expressed my concern, and my desire to make sure everyone feels included and better about their self-worth rather than worse. Despite feeling like we were all on the same page, Tuesday night came and the activity went directly down the path that I was afraid of. During our debrief of the activity (which up until that point had gone smoothly) Techo, Flaca and Helen asked the girls who were touched 3 times or more to share how the experience made them feel. Those girls were naturally very 'touched' (no pun intended) that their team had so much respect for them in all walks of life. However, then they asked the girls that weren't touched at all to share their feelings about it. This information which was supposed to be somewhat confidential (hence everybody closing their eyes) was made very public and presented in a way which left me with a pit in my stomach for the rest of the night. Only one girl raised her hand when they asked who wasn't touched. Anyeli Rodríguez; she isn't the best player, but definitely not the worst. She comes almost every night to activities, and participates, and behaves well, and isn't the most outspoken girl but is always there, and I think she just got lost in the shuffle of this activity. The coaches pushed further, "And how do you feel about the fact that you weren't touched?" She hesitated to respond. "Good? Bad?" "Igual," she finally answered, which means "the same." If negative reinforcement in schools teaches nothing else, it's resilience. She didn't even look upset, though I'm sure she had to have been and she put on an incredibly brave face despite being called out in front of the entire group. I wanted to run over and hug her, but didn't want to draw even more attention to her. We were about to move on to watch the video, but I wanted to say one more thing to try to salvage my terrible guilty feeling that I should have seen something like this coming and let it happen anyways, and probably hurt this girl's feelings very much. I tried to emphasize in very shaky Spanish since I couldn't think very well at this point that it doesn't matter how many times you were touched or not touched, but that the important thing to remember is that there are so many ways to be an inspiration to others and everybody has the potential to find what that is inside them and share it with others. It was a weak attempt to fix the debacle, but I tried.
I couldn't shake my uneasy feeling for the rest of the night, and it was hard to put on a good face when Techo came to trivia night with us after activities. He was being his normal, joking self and I could barely crack a smile. How could such a good guy with such a big heart just crush that girl's feelings? Despite my growing friendships with these coaches, I have to let those fly to the wind and find a way to express myself when I disagree with their tactics in a more forceful way when the girls' happiness and confidence are at stake. The great thing about Fútbol Sin Fronteras, apart from the team aspect, is providing these girls a different way of learning than the one they receive in schools, full of positive reinforcement and creativity and the opportunity to express themselves in many different ways. I can't fault the Nicaraguan coaches for not having an innate ability to recognize the difference since they went through the same school system, but I must work harder to point them down the right path in terms of achieving this organization's mission. For the record, I think they're doing an incredible job. I think I need to be less of a wimp when it comes to the tough stuff.
My next personal project will be going on house visits to get to know these girls better on an individual basis, get to know their parents, their stories, and just give them some individual attention which is hard at times during crazy activity nights with upwards of 70 girls in the office at a time. I think I will try to go to Anyeli's house first and stress how much I appreciate her presence, and how excited I am to be able to work with her, how I could learn a lot from her resilience, and how she has already impressed me to no end and it's only been a month.
I'm off to run tonight's activity now! Wish me better luck this time around, and for all the activity nights to come.
Amor, paz, y fútbol
KPope (Maria Aux. Asunción Guadamuz Sanchez)
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