This truth has been exacerbated by a few different things. First, right now my entire team is in Maine reuniting and spending a few days pre-preason relaxing and dreading the fitness test in good company and I wish more than anything I could be there. Second, my little brother left for football preseason of his freshman year of college a week and a half ago. He has been telling me about his roommate, his new teammates, and the grueling practices. I refuse to believe that my freshman year of preseason was really four years ago. It feels like yesterday that I spent my first night in Winthrop 201 with Ellery and Anna, that I met tired and spacey Celeste who had just stepped off a red eye flight from Berkeley (before I realized she is spacey all the time) and that we along with Becka, Amy, Claire, Rachel, and Taylor suffered through our first college preseason together. The following weeks, months, and years are some I won't forget as long as I live. I won't forget rushing the field after OT or PK shootout victories, I won't forget rallying around our teammate and best friend when she lost her mom after a long battle with cancer, I won't forget covering our coach's house in caution tape, plastic forks, and an inflatable stork purely out of love, I won't forget the "Soccer Benefit Dinners", and I definitely won't forget Sunday Fundays in various basements. The second half of August is always a time of anxiety (beep) and excitement to move back to Bowdoin, our beloved home, and see each other's tanned and smiling faces.
This year is different. This year, my anxiety and excitement exist on the other side of things; the coaching side. This second half of August, I am filled with battling emotions just as before. I want to know my players inside and out, I want to be a listening ear, a good role model, and a reliable and trustworthy figure in the midst of their tumultuous lives. I know I must be patient and that it will take time to gain their complete trust and respect, but I am anxious that I won't have substantial time to make an impact. I want to see them grow individually, and grow together as a unit in the way that my own teammates became my family and the way I grew leaps and bounds as an individual thanks to all of them. The competitive side of me wants to see them win! I want to beat each and every boy's team we come across because I know we have the potential and I know what good that could do for their confidence. I feel I have a lot that I want to achieve in a limited amount of time. Anxiety and excitement, just like every other August.
But this year is different. This year, I am not moving back to Brunswick with Ellery and Celeste to kick off another incredible GUBFL season. This fall there won't be tailgates after games, hotel overnight trips, Hot Seat on the bus, or locker room shower dance parties. I won't be hanging my uniform up next to Toni's, I won't be having long life chats in Blossy's car or Stacie's couch, I won't be listening to Caro's jams, or doing walk of shames home from S3. I won't get to see the sophomores become upperclassmen leaders, or the freshmen take the new freshies under their wing. My F.ear O.f M.issing O.ut (FOMO) is at an all time high. I am realizing more than ever how important my teammates are and have been in my life, and what Go U Bears For Life actually means.
This year I am incredibly fortunate to be working with one of my GUBFL teammates, Larkin, and I have new teammates: Mady, Techo, Flaca, Helen, Hassell and César. Together, we have new challenges that I have never faced before. We will disagree, argue, support each other and have a blast together all year. We will grow individually and as a team, and we will work together to achieve a common goal of creating a safe space for our participants to grow and play together. Last Saturday, Techo created a fitness drill that the Estrella's had to complete. I watched them sweat, dig out the last sprint, cheer each other on, and chug water together in silence with an unspoken understanding and respect for each other. My heart swelled with a desire to be back at Bowdoin with my own team, doing exactly those things, as well as a realization that "team" is a pretty universal language, and there is nothing quite like it.
My life is different now. Yet, it hasn't changed all that much. During these next few days, I will be thinking about my team back home suffering through preseason together and I will miss them and my old life immensely. But I plan to use all the lessons and memories I am left with from that experience to foster that incredible sense of team and family for the Estrellas. If I can achieve that, I will have done my job. I think I foresee some themed Team Jeopardy in their future. Maybe some sock-off. Vamos a ver :)
Amor, Paz, y Fútbol
KPope
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