Home

The other night I was hand-washing some of my clothes in a bucket in my bathroom. I was pumping music and singing like no one was listening, though I’m sure Mady could hear my embarrassing high notes from down the hall. For the first hour or so, hand-washing my clothes was a very cathartic experience. The next two hours, however, I developed wrinkly and blistering fingers from wringing out every article of clothing and decided I would resort back to Larkin’s laundry machine for the rest of the load. In those 3 hours, from 10pm until 1am, my shuffling iTunes played some gems that I haven’t heard in years. Certain songs have the power to bring me back to vivid moments in time as soon as they start to play. As I sat scrubbing away in my bathroom in Granada, Nicaragua, my mind was elsewhere in Byfield, MA, Buenos Aires, Winthrop Hall, Baxter House, Brunswick Apartments D,G,H,J,K,S, and T, Stowe Inn, Harpswell Apartments, Pleasant St, 126 Loring Ave, 98 High Pine Lane, 27 Pinecliff Drive, 6 Greenleaf Drive, and 5 Curtis Point.

All of these places have been ‘home’ to me at one point or another and the songs were making me crazy with nostalgia. "Numb/Encore" made me want to be back on a basketball court with ML and Griesbach and the rest of the Red Dogs in our tear-away shiny white warm up pants. "Paper Planes" made me want to be moving back into Winthrop Hall where our floor played it on repeat for the first month straight as we discovered unconventional friendships and newfound freedoms. “Empire State of Mind” almost made me want to be back on the first floor of Baxter with Elle where our neighbors blasted it through their sub woofer at all hours of the day and night. "Get U Home" and "Don’t Stop Believin’" obviously made me want to be back in the locker room with my Bears. Nelly’s "Heart of a Champion" will forever remind me of parties at the Gould’s house. "Hey Soul Sister" made me miss the Stowe Inn crew. "Seek Bromance" made my heart hurt for S3. "Master of the House" from Les Miserables brings me back to Christmas parties at Grandmaman’s and Grandpapa’s, "Shout" put me right back in Goody and Grumpa’s kitchen dancing with the rest of my cousins, and then “Havin’ a Party” made me giggle remembering laying up with Holly, wide awake in the loft of Gretsky after having put all of our other cousins to sleep in beds, while our parents and the Starrs BLASTED that song downstairs and sang to it at the top of their lungs. We weren’t happy campers at the time, but I’m sure that will be us someday so I can’t hold a grudge. Above all, "My Way" by Frank Sinatra will always bring me back to my real home and I will always think of my Dad speaking each lyric before Frank sings it, my Mom preparing or serving up a delicious home cooked meal, Dave catching up on his sports in his man cave, white wine, and more often than not having ML over for dinner. It feels warm, safe, full and fun.

I would like to believe ‘home’ is a universally warm, safe, full and fun place but that would be naïve. Mady and I visited the home of Lupe, and her younger sister Blanca Rosa (one of the Mariposas) the other day. Blanca Rosa had been crying at practice on Saturday morning and when Mady asked what was wrong she expressed that her ‘Papa’ was taken away to León by the police around 5am and has to be there for 3 or 4 months while his arrest is processed. Their mother works a lot, we wanted to go make sure they were okay and offer our help and support if there was anything we could do. We met their mother, María José, but the girls weren’t home at that time of day. We told her the reason for our visit, and she was confused because the father of her daughters lives and works in Costa Rica and has been there for a long time. She explained that he comes and goes, and sends food for the girls on an irregular basis and wants nothing to do with her. She was angry with Blanca Rosa, assuming she had lied to Mady. She walked with us down the street and around the corner to where Blanca Rosa and Lupe were. Lupe was inside at her grandmother’s house using the phone to call her dad and find out when they would receive food next. Blanca Rosa was playing soccer with her cousins in the street. María José immediately started scolding her for not having shoes on, and told her she had to come home right now. Then she asked her about what happened on Saturday, and again Blanca Rosa explained that she was upset because ‘Papa’ had to leave. María José realized that Blanca Rosa was referring to her tío (uncle-María José’s brother) who they call ‘Papa’ because they rarely see their actual father. Blanca Rosa didn’t want to stop playing and put up a slight fuss, but there was no arguing with her mother. She reluctantly went to go get her shoes. While she was inside, María José was telling us that she is a very disobedient girl and that when their father comes back from Costa Rica for a short time in December that he would beat them to teach them a lesson. She continued, saying the girls aren’t scared of her because she doesn’t hit them hard enough but they know not to disobey their father. When Blanca Rosa came back out, María José pointed out multiple scars on her legs that she supposedly received from these beatings.

We were at a loss for words. We are in no place to tell parents how to raise their children, but it is heart-breaking to know what some of these girls experience inside their homes. It makes me wonder what kind of feelings the word induces for them, and makes me consider that while for me home is a very comforting idea it doesn’t carry the same meaning for everybody. It showed me an even greater importance of what we do in Fútbol Sin Fronteras to create a safe space for the girls to come, and play, and learn. A place for them to feel loved and appreciated, free from familial and societal pressures. While that is an important thing regardless of circumstance, the importance increases exponentially when no other place like that exists in their lives.

It makes sense why the girls show up early and stay late. It makes sense that they are all so eager to give and receive hugs. It makes sense that sometimes they are angry, or sad, or quiet, or misbehaved.

It increases my patience, slows my tendency to judge, makes me want to be better and do more for them and it makes me unbelievably thankful for all the places I can call home, and the people who make my homes so full of love and laugher.

I’m missing you all very much

Amor, Paz, y Fútbol

KPope