April has been pretty infernal and oppressive, but obviously I didn't mean the weather highs and lows by the title of this post. Once again, my daily life has put me through an emotional ringer all within the same week. I'll start with the low.
Last Friday, the Estrellas had a league game scheduled against a team of boys that live on our street. We had plenty of subs, and the girls all showed up with "ready-for-anything" type attitudes. María Fernanda, an offensive player through and through, was ready to jump back on defense and fill in when Taicha went down with an ankle injury. I didn't hear the typical, "No puedo" (I can't) if I asked them to step outside their comfort zone and move around the field. They were genuinely happy to simply be out on there playing. Xiomara was a brick wall in net, denying all shots through the majority of the first half to keep the game scoreless. When the first goal from the other team did slip by, I didn't see the usual walking around the field. They kept running, kept fighting for 50-50 balls, kept their heads up. The boys team, slowly but surely, did rack up the score by the end of the game. With about 10 minutes left in the second half, one boy thought it would be funny to take his own goalie on on purpose to give us a goal. The goalie did come out to try to deny him, but with a quick foot move he was able to evade the approaching keeper and pass the ball into their own net. His teammates on the sideline hooped and hollered in laughter. Though he gifted us a point, he stripped the girls of their dignity. Despite being down by about 8 goals, it wasn't until that point when the Estrellas stopped their great show of effort. Xiomara simply walked off the field, the crisp passes that we had been making turned into 'soggy waffles' as Maren would say, and the spark of energy was instantly gone. They began to get frustrated with each other instead of letting their frustrations fuel an even stronger effort. When the final whistle blew, emotions were running high. Joseling, who has been steadily improving all season long on the defensive line, was nearly in tears and convinced that the 8-10 goals that the other team scored were a result of her poor play. I was white with anger at the boys' immaturity and kept my jaw clenched shut as Eden talked to the players for fear that I wouldn't have anything constructive to say in that moment. As we were walking off the field to head back to the office, three of my own players broke into a fight amongst themselves. Everything was just a mess. Tears welled to my eyes out of pure frustration. Not because we lost again, not because the girls were acting out, not even because the boys got a laugh out of making a joke of our team. I was and am deeply frustrated with the social barriers that still exist. We can preach confidence and gender equality to our players as much as we want, but in practice those things still aren't realistic aspects of their lives. They hear all week that they are strong, smart, beautiful people and can achieve their wildest dreams, but every Friday they leave the field with notions that they aren't nearly as talented as they are led to believe. They don't understand that the boys have been playing informal soccer in the streets for their whole lives, and the majority of the girls just started playing the sport a few years ago. While their feats are still incredible, perception is reality and they still perceive themselves to be lesser athletes. This kills me, and now more than ever it's time to find some regular female competition for the Estrellas.
On a much more uplifting note, and a tribute to Fútbol Sin Fronteras as an organization, I have had the privilege to see first hand how being part of a team has done wonders for an individual on my team for the past seven months that she has been a part of the program as an Estrella. To respect her privacy, I won't call her by name. She joined my team in September of last fall, and I immediately noticed a stark difference between her and the rest of the team. She dressed in dark tight clothing, wore heavy eye make up, and had skulls and broken hearts scribbled across the white rubber of her Converse sneakers. She was quiet and rarely spoke up, but made a few friends quickly and they became very close. It was clear that she was viewed as a leader among her friends. Had her choice of dress been the only differentiating factor, there would've been no need to intervene in any way. However, we (the coaches) soon noticed thin horizontal scars lining both of her wrists. Generally, she tried to cover them all up with dozens of bracelets on each arm but on game days she was forced to take them all off and reveal the indicators of her self-harming behavior. Pretty soon after she joined the program, we noticed that other girls had joined in on this very dangerous behavior and that's where we drew the line. We pride ourselves on creating a safe space, and any kind of physical harm is simply not tolerated. We spoke with the girls individually, and we spoke with a few of the parents who were unaware that this behavior was happening. It seemed like our efforts to help these few girls were futile, for at first nothing changed. We continued to have to pull them aside and explain how their actions were jeopardizing the safety of themselves and others, we discussed a suspension or removal from the program, we were a bit at a loss when more and more girls seemed to be following the trend.
When we split the Estrella team into two at the beginning of this season, we purposefully separated this participant from her closest friend in an attempt to steer them both in different directions and force them to make new friends that may have better influences on them. She remained on my team and her friend is part of the other Estrellas. In the past two months, I watched as this girl began to smile. Shyly still, but nonetheless lips curved upwards and a hint of dimples. She began to participate during activities, and to my surprise take on leadership roles in small group situations. It's clear she's a natural. She doesn't boss others around, but rather can effortlessly facilitate a productive group environment where everyone has a chance to contribute. I first noticed it on a night where the girls did an 'Egg Drop.' In two separate teams, they had to create a contraption that would protect an egg when dropped off the third floor balcony. On one team, three girls huddled around the materials and vigorously started taping and tying things around the egg while the others sat on the outside uninvolved, and uninterested. On this girl's team, she suggested that everyone sit in a circle so they could all see the materials. If people tried to talk over one another, she stopped them and focused on one at a time. She carefully considered all the ideas that were suggested and listened to the opinions of all her teammates rather than ruling anything out and doing it her own way. She was understood by all of them to be their leader, though there was no kind of spoken decision.
Little by little her clothes became brighter, her smile bigger, and she doles out hugs to all of her teammates when she arrives to activities or practices. She leads by example on the field as well, showing no sign of fear or hesitation in her play, always putting in a full effort to help back on defense though she's a gifted forward, and always talking to teammates in an encouraging or constructive manner. She has easily shown the greatest transformation in seven short months, and I have never felt more encouraged or inspired by one's progress.
We are definitely all surprised and confused in the best way possible by her seemingly sudden transformation, but if I had to put in my two cents, I'd say she finally feels like she belongs. A sense of belonging is one of the most elusive and precious gifts for a fourteen year old girl. When everything in your life seems to start changing so rapidly all of a sudden, including your body, it can be easy to feel scared and overwhelmed and lost. When you are part of a close group of people going through the same kinds of changes and emotions with you, all of your problems start to feel insignificant. It has been a joy to watch her not only develop as a player and a teammate, but a leader on and off the field. She's a privilege to work with, and I dare say this is among the highest highs of my whole year.
I'm reminded once again of the large place in my heart that all my own teammates hold. Truly an indescribable bond.
Amor, Paz, y Fútbol
KPope
When we split the Estrella team into two at the beginning of this season, we purposefully separated this participant from her closest friend in an attempt to steer them both in different directions and force them to make new friends that may have better influences on them. She remained on my team and her friend is part of the other Estrellas. In the past two months, I watched as this girl began to smile. Shyly still, but nonetheless lips curved upwards and a hint of dimples. She began to participate during activities, and to my surprise take on leadership roles in small group situations. It's clear she's a natural. She doesn't boss others around, but rather can effortlessly facilitate a productive group environment where everyone has a chance to contribute. I first noticed it on a night where the girls did an 'Egg Drop.' In two separate teams, they had to create a contraption that would protect an egg when dropped off the third floor balcony. On one team, three girls huddled around the materials and vigorously started taping and tying things around the egg while the others sat on the outside uninvolved, and uninterested. On this girl's team, she suggested that everyone sit in a circle so they could all see the materials. If people tried to talk over one another, she stopped them and focused on one at a time. She carefully considered all the ideas that were suggested and listened to the opinions of all her teammates rather than ruling anything out and doing it her own way. She was understood by all of them to be their leader, though there was no kind of spoken decision.
Little by little her clothes became brighter, her smile bigger, and she doles out hugs to all of her teammates when she arrives to activities or practices. She leads by example on the field as well, showing no sign of fear or hesitation in her play, always putting in a full effort to help back on defense though she's a gifted forward, and always talking to teammates in an encouraging or constructive manner. She has easily shown the greatest transformation in seven short months, and I have never felt more encouraged or inspired by one's progress.
We are definitely all surprised and confused in the best way possible by her seemingly sudden transformation, but if I had to put in my two cents, I'd say she finally feels like she belongs. A sense of belonging is one of the most elusive and precious gifts for a fourteen year old girl. When everything in your life seems to start changing so rapidly all of a sudden, including your body, it can be easy to feel scared and overwhelmed and lost. When you are part of a close group of people going through the same kinds of changes and emotions with you, all of your problems start to feel insignificant. It has been a joy to watch her not only develop as a player and a teammate, but a leader on and off the field. She's a privilege to work with, and I dare say this is among the highest highs of my whole year.
I'm reminded once again of the large place in my heart that all my own teammates hold. Truly an indescribable bond.
Amor, Paz, y Fútbol
KPope
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